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siriuslyELMO - May 30th, 2006

About May 30th, 2006

insomnia and trauma 01:37 am
its 1.30 in the dead morning and i couldnt sleep.
somehow a certain incident kept on playing inside my head. something that i should have forgotten ages ago. but here i am. writing it out from my head into my blogs hoping that i could get over it somehow. one thing for sure in the past month that short clip of what i did kept haunting me in some ways. it happened on the eve before my departure to indonesia on april 25th. a few hours before [12 hours before my check in time] me ebi mudwin dolski kokom and akang just arrived from our wicked road trip to melbourne. it was 9 pm april 24th. after droping people to flinders housing forestville and mawson lakes ebi and i headed home to blair athol. We decided not to get any sleep before morning. well since that was our last night to be spend in adelaide before i headed home and god only knows how long does it takes until we both meet again.
but it still happened though.
we fell asleep.
and when i woke up it was

7.30 in the fucking morning.

jesus christ it might sounded stupid to you but my whole life of living in adelaide i never fell asleep before going home. and now that night just before i deaparted leaving my friends and the ones i love.
especially him.
i fell asleep.
[apart from that ebi and i had our own reason. few people knows. very few.]

god sometimes i think to myself why didnt i just slept in. i might as well sleep in until noon perhaps.

shit man.

i told ebi about this and how i felt so fucking guilty after that. he said it was alright. he understood that i was tired after the road trip [he was the one whos driving for cryin out loud]. he saw that i was a bit ill and i need rest. and he didn’t want me to keep on blaming myself of what happened.

but i don’t know why i still … ALWAYS!!! … haunted by that night everytime i went to bed. how i felt that my legs turned to jelly and my head completely blank for few second when i saw the clock pointed to 7.30 in the morning and i only got an hour two hours tops in adelaide.

shit.

seems like i still couldnt forgive myself of what happened.
which caused a certain trauma of night sleep to me.
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